Thursday, May 23, 2013

Adjusting to life as a stay at home mom

Truth be told, the life of a stay at home parent is more challenging than I expected!!!  I feel as if I have treated the past 8+ months that I have been home as more of a sabbatical - That I'll be returning to work any day now, so I shouldn't get too settled into any sort of routine.  And while I do intend to return to work outside of the home at some point in the future, it certainly is not going to be tomorrow, next month or possibly even next year! So I've been working on trying to shift my mindset towards, 'This is my work now'.  My work consists of being the master of chaos, if you will!  From managing our home, maintaining a healthy diet, raising a happy thriving baby girl, and nurturing my family.

The constant attention needed by your child, the never ending chores piling up, errands needing to be ran, there is definitely enough to keep you 'busy' - but is it fulfilling?  Having worked in a corporate desk job for many years, my days were very structured and while not always fulfilling, I enjoyed relishing in progress made!  The day to day tasks required of a stay at home parent aren't necessarily filled with moments of progress.  Sure there is the laundry that was piled on the bathroom floor, which is now clean and folded and put away.  But this type of 'progress' doesn't equate to accomplishments, which I suppose is more of the frustration I have been feeling lately.  Don't misunderstand, I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter and there is nothing more I would rather do - but I have to admit that I am having a difficult time finding myself through this change.

I originally started this post over a month or so ago.  We were in the midst of trying to figure out a schedule for Lily.  Being that I am at home with her all the time, we were doing more of a child lead schedule.  When she was hungry, I feed her and when she seemed sleepy we went to sleep.  We were co-sleeping and just really letting her run the show!  In the span of a month or two, we have now established more of a schedule for Lily and really, for me too!  We have a set nap and bedtimes, and she's sleeping in her own crib.  All a post for another time.  But the goal was to get us on a schedule, which we have!  Yay!  Getting her on a schedule allows me to spend some time doing some things that help keep me sane and fulfilled!  Like working out and doing some arts and crafty stuffs!

Getting Lily on a schedule has really gone a long way to help me settle into this whole stay at home mom thing!  Not to say there aren't days that are better than others!  But I'm right where I want to be right now!

 I love this kid!!!

Editing myself

I haven't blogged in a while.  And even when I do, I use little words.  Mostly because I am too self conscious when I am writing this blog.  I think I have forgotten why I originally started this whole venture into blogging.  I figured it would help me document the small and large moments in my life.  Something that I, and possibly my children look back on.  The idea that moments are fleeting but once documented, that somehow those moments are given life!   I kept a journal as a kid, and I find that I actually put pen to paper so little these days.  But I am usually always connected, connected to my smartphone, to social media.   But lately, I either don't write or I write and don't post it.  I suppose I too judgmental of myself, and scared of being judged by others.  My writing is at best, scattered thoughts.  I don't use the proper punctuation, and am the queen of run on sentences.  So, I have to ask myself, is this really about my writing?  Or is about telling my story!  The blogs that I enjoy the most, read like a conversation with a friend telling me about whats happening in their life at the moment, and what's on their mind.  And for me, I want this blog to be a conversation with myself.  A dialogue with me about my life!  Something that, sure, I hope other's enjoy and identify with.  But mostly, I want someday to read this girl's blog and truly feel that I get a sense of who she was/ is!  So, if you're out there... I hope you enjoy it!  And if you don't, just pass on by.  Either way, this isn't for you - it's for me.    

Friday, May 10, 2013

Dear Lily

Dear Lily,

You are 8 months old today!  I cannot believe how fast time is going!  There are moments when I just want time to stand still, these are the sweet moments I want to last a lifetime.  The days you would fall asleep on my chest and lay there for hours!  You are a precious, sweet soul.  You are becoming very curious and you are constantly watching your dad and seeing what he is up to!  You love to snuggle, and I've gotten a few open-mouth-tongue-out kisses from you!  You love to listen to music, whether on the radio or mommy's singing!  You love to bounce and crawl.  You are standing up now and starting to furniture surf.  You have the proudest look on your face when you pull yourself up and stumble over to us!  I can tell that you are thinking a lot!  You study things and often let out a grunt or squeal when something catches your attention.  You are my sweet, curious girl!  I cannot wait to see what you learn and become in the next 8 months!