Thoughts on Breastfeeding

Growing up, I always knew that when I had children I would breastfeed.  My mother often talked about how she breastfed me until I was 2!  So it was a little of a no-brainer that's what I would do.  When I was pregnant with Lily, we hired a doula (to help with natural childbirth), and attended a birthing class but it never occurred to me to attend a breastfeeding class.  Breastfeeding is so natural, I'll instinctively know what to do, right?!?  Wrong!

When Lily was born, the nurses at the hospital were attentive and helpful in getting her to latch on.  She attached, she's sucking - everything seems to be working.  Flash forward a few days, and I've got a screaming baby in my arms at all hours of the day and night.  She would latch on for a second and pop off, repeatedly.  The emotions swept over me and I was sobbing and feeling like a horrible mother and that I would never be able to do this!  I called the hospital's lactation consultant, but they were on vacation (as they had been during our hospital stay).  During a postpartum visit from our Doula, she suggested that I get some nipple shields.  I have relatively flat nipples, and Lily was getting a very poor latch now that my milk had come down.  My poor baby girl, whom I had been constantly breastfeeding was starving!  Zach quickly ran out and picked up the shields and we began using them immediately.  It took a few tries before Lily and I both got the hang of the shields.  But once she did, she was a rockstar at nursing!

The shields worked amazingly...but breastfeeding was feeling like more of a task than a bonding experience for us.  We co-slept and when Lily would wake to nurse, I (or the hubs) would have to roll out of bed, sterlize the shield and get it to fit on properly before I could feed her.  It was exhausting.  I began to think that I would never be able to nurse her without the assistance of the shield.

I starting reading up and discovered a lot of literature that the shield should only be used for a short time.... here we were going on our 2nd month with the shield.  I started trying to wean her off the shield and onto the breast directly, starting her on the shield and then slipping it off once she had got it flowing.  It wasn't working.  The second I slipped the shield off, she wouldn't be able to reattach or rather, wouldn't attach.  She had gotten use to how easy it was the suckle on the shield rather than directly on the nipple.  I tried, but often got discouraged so I would just resort back to the shield.  I didn't want my baby to go hungry.  After about a week, I decided to suck it up and be firm about getting her to nurse without the shield.  I had to be patient with her, but kept trying to put her directly on the breast.  I ended up having to remove the shield altogether in order to get her to latch on.  It took a lot of patience for both us, but eventually she learned how to latch directly onto mommy.

Once we had eliminated the shield, breastfeeding became the beautiful experience I imagined it would be.  Being able to feed my baby without any assistance was amazing and empowering.  It wasn't easy, and I completely understand why a lot of women do not breastfeed or stop breastfeeding after the first month.

We have been breastfeeding exclusively now for 10 months.  I fully intend to breastfeed until Lily is 2, just like my mom did with me.  I may or may not decide to continue beyond the 2 year mark (to be honest, some days I think I could give it up anytime).  The demand that breastfeeding requires is exhausting, even without any difficulties.  But the bond that it provides for Lily and I, is something so special for both of us.

I'd like to add, that while I chose to breastfeed, I recognize that many mothers decide not to or simply aren't able to.  I completely respect every woman's choice and am in no way judgemental of those who do not breastfeed.  I simply wanted to share my own experiences with breastfeeding, in hopes that it might help another mother out there.

10 months

   

My sweet baby girl is 10 months old.  When did that happen?!?!  These past 10 months have been the most challenging and rewarding of my life and the most full my heart has ever felt!  I am a mama to a sweet, smiley little girl!  I look back at pictures of her as a newborn, my eyes swell as my heart explodes.  I cannot believe how fast time flies! It was just yesterday that I was laying in a hospital bed with a sweet newborn nestled asleep on my chest!

At 10 months Lily has quite the personality.  She is a very curious and adventurous soul.  She crawls away from mommy without hesitation to explore the world around her.  She is very social and hardly ever shy to flash anyone who makes eye contact with her a contagious smile!  She loves books, turning the pages and studying the images.

We are going through blueberries, strawberries and avocados like crazy over here!  Lily loves to eat and continues to show her curious nature by trying everything, everything!  Peas seem to be the one and only food that she will not devour!  She even liked the smoked salmon daddy gave her while mommy wasn't looking!

Our home is full of babbling and squeals!  Lily says mama and dada all the time now.  She is eager to start walking on her own.  She furniture surfs and lets go to take about 10-15 steps on her own (with the proudest smile on her face).

Lily is very loving.  She's a great cuddlier and gives the sweetest (wettest) open-mouthed kisses ever!!!  She loves playing chase with her daddy, and squeals nearly every time he looks her way!

Flipping through the countless pictures we've taken over the past 10 months, I cannot believe that she's ours. I love her beyond my own comprehension.

Adjusting to life as a stay at home mom

Truth be told, the life of a stay at home parent is more challenging than I expected!!!  I feel as if I have treated the past 8+ months that I have been home as more of a sabbatical - That I'll be returning to work any day now, so I shouldn't get too settled into any sort of routine.  And while I do intend to return to work outside of the home at some point in the future, it certainly is not going to be tomorrow, next month or possibly even next year! So I've been working on trying to shift my mindset towards, 'This is my work now'.  My work consists of being the master of chaos, if you will!  From managing our home, maintaining a healthy diet, raising a happy thriving baby girl, and nurturing my family.

The constant attention needed by your child, the never ending chores piling up, errands needing to be ran, there is definitely enough to keep you 'busy' - but is it fulfilling?  Having worked in a corporate desk job for many years, my days were very structured and while not always fulfilling, I enjoyed relishing in progress made!  The day to day tasks required of a stay at home parent aren't necessarily filled with moments of progress.  Sure there is the laundry that was piled on the bathroom floor, which is now clean and folded and put away.  But this type of 'progress' doesn't equate to accomplishments, which I suppose is more of the frustration I have been feeling lately.  Don't misunderstand, I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter and there is nothing more I would rather do - but I have to admit that I am having a difficult time finding myself through this change.


I originally started this post over a month or so ago.  We were in the midst of trying to figure out a schedule for Lily.  Being that I am at home with her all the time, we were doing more of a child lead schedule.  When she was hungry, I feed her and when she seemed sleepy we went to sleep.  We were co-sleeping and just really letting her run the show!  In the span of a month or two, we have now established more of a schedule for Lily and really, for me too!  We have a set nap and bedtimes, and she's sleeping in her own crib.  All a post for another time.  But the goal was to get us on a schedule, which we have!  Yay!  Getting her on a schedule allows me to spend some time doing some things that help keep me sane and fulfilled!  Like working out and doing some arts and crafty stuffs!

Getting Lily on a schedule has really gone a long way to help me settle into this whole stay at home mom thing!  Not to say there aren't days that are better than others!  But I'm right where I want to be right now!

 I love this kid!!!

Editing myself

I haven't blogged in a while.  And even when I do, I use little words.  Mostly because I am too self conscious when I am writing this blog.  I think I have forgotten why I originally started this whole venture into blogging.  I figured it would help me document the small and large moments in my life.  Something that I, and possibly my children look back on.  The idea that moments are fleeting but once documented, that somehow those moments are given life!   I kept a journal as a kid, and I find that I actually put pen to paper so little these days.  But I am usually always connected, connected to my smartphone, to social media.   But lately, I either don't write or I write and don't post it.  I suppose I too judgmental of myself, and scared of being judged by others.  My writing is at best, scattered thoughts.  I don't use the proper punctuation, and am the queen of run on sentences.  So, I have to ask myself, is this really about my writing?  Or is about telling my story!  The blogs that I enjoy the most, read like a conversation with a friend telling me about whats happening in their life at the moment, and what's on their mind.  And for me, I want this blog to be a conversation with myself.  A dialogue with me about my life!  Something that, sure, I hope other's enjoy and identify with.  But mostly, I want someday to read this girl's blog and truly feel that I get a sense of who she was/ is!  So, if you're out there... I hope you enjoy it!  And if you don't, just pass on by.  Either way, this isn't for you - it's for me.    

Dear Lily

Dear Lily,

You are 8 months old today!  I cannot believe how fast time is going!  There are moments when I just want time to stand still, these are the sweet moments I want to last a lifetime.  The days you would fall asleep on my chest and lay there for hours!  You are a precious, sweet soul.  You are becoming very curious and you are constantly watching your dad and seeing what he is up to!  You love to snuggle, and I've gotten a few open-mouth-tongue-out kisses from you!  You love to listen to music, whether on the radio or mommy's singing!  You love to bounce and crawl.  You are standing up now and starting to furniture surf.  You have the proudest look on your face when you pull yourself up and stumble over to us!  I can tell that you are thinking a lot!  You study things and often let out a grunt or squeal when something catches your attention.  You are my sweet, curious girl!  I cannot wait to see what you learn and become in the next 8 months!

(Almost) Complete Nursery

I thought it might be time to show some pics of the (almost) complete nursery... since Lily's been 'occupying' it for 6 months now!

Entry into Lily's room 

(We still need to get a plate for the light switch)

Mirror - Ikea

Bookshelves - Handmade by Grandpa

Virgo Wall Plate - picked up at TMSP flea market

Rug - Ikea

Shelving - Ikea

Crib - Hand me down

Dresser/ Changing Table - picked up at 'Just Between Friends' Consignment sale

Curtains - Ikea

Leaf Canopy - Ikea

Beautiful Baby - Handmade ;-)

Lily @ 6 months

Stats...
...weight 19 lbs 8 oz.  Lily is 95% on weight
...height 26 1/2 inches.  She's currently in the 80% on height
...Lily is still wearing a few of her 6 month clothes, but mostly wearing 9 & 12 month!  

...next appt,  her 9 month checkup and NO shots!  Yay!

Eating......Lily is still breastfeeding, and I pump and give her the occasional bottle!!!  She started eating solids on February 2nd, so she's been on solids for a little over a month now.  Her first food was sweet potatoes, followed by green beans and pears.   She has since tried sweet peas, apples, avocado and rice cereal!  She is a great eater.  She has enjoyed and eaten everything we have given her!  She loves to eat!!!

Sleeping...
...Lily is still co-sleeping with us!  We go to bed between 9-10 and she nurses to sleep and wakes around 8:30-9am.  She wakes about 2-3 times a night to nurse and quickly falls back to sleep!  We are started to work on sleep training and transitioning her to her crib in her own room!


Exploring...
...Lily is very active!  She sits up easily now.  She will lunge forward onto her tummy whenever anything catches her interest.  She rolls over, lifts up on her arms and changes directions but has not quite figured out how to get up on her knees yet!  She loves playing with her toys.  She chooses toys to play with, is able to transfer them from hand to gand to mouth!!! Ha!  Everything goes in the mouth!  She loves her merry muscles bouncer!  She loves dolls with faces and often atudies them and looks into their eyes!  She LOVES music and singing!  We sign and sing Itsy Bitsy spider and she loves it!  Lily is always a happy smiley girl!  She is very social and loves to be talked to!  She blows rasberries now and sounds syllables like Ba Ba Ba, Ma ma ma.

Lily @ 4 months

Stats...
...weight 17 lbs 10 0z.  Lily is 97% on weight
...height 25 1/2 inches.  She's currently in the 95% on height
...Lily has almost outgrown all of her 6 months clothes!!!  She is growing so fast!
...next appt,  her 6 month checkup!

Eating...
...Lily is exclusively breastfeeding!  We have been introducing the bottle once a day, to encourage her being able to take the bottle so maybe mommy and daddy can have a night out soon!!!

Sleeping...
...Lily has been mostly co-sleeping with mommy and daddy.  This past month we have been able to transition her during the night to her pack n play.  She nurses, falls asleep in bed with us and then we move her.  On average she has been sleeping from 10-11ish to 4-5ish.    I hear her wake sometimes around 2ish, but she seems to be soothing herself back to sleep!  Yay!


Exploring...
...Lily is very observant these days!  She wants to be up moving around with mom and dad!  She's able to grasp toys and almost always brings them immediately to her mouth!  She is able to grab both of her feet and is desperately trying to get her toes in her mouth!!!  She rols from side to side when on her back, but has not fully rolled over yet.  Lily does not enjoy tummy time very much, but we try to give her at least 20 mins a day!
Lily chuckles now, and squeals a lot!!!  She is starting to mimic our sounds!  I swear she's said 'hi'!  
She loves bouncing in her merry muscles exerciser!  She will spend an hour in it, bouncing, hanging out and just looking around!

Lily at 8 weeks

Stats...
...weight 13 lbs 9 0z.  That's up 4 lbs since last month!!!  Lily is 95% on weight
...height 23 1/4 inches.  She's grown 2 1/4 inches since her 2 week appt and currently in the 85% on height
...Lily has almost outgrown all of her 0-3 months clothes!!!  Her little legs are getting too long for the onsies!
...next appt on Jan 10th, her 4 month checkup!

Eating...
...Lily is exclusively breastfeeding!  Mama is so proud that she is gaining weight like a champ!!!

Sleeping...
...Lily is co-sleeping with mommy and daddy.  We have weighed the risks and read about the benefits and feel that it is the best arrangement for our family right now.  Lily is still sleeping 2-3 hours at a time, with some 4 hour stints at night.  Some days she will only nap for a half hour, hour and be up 2 hours at a time.
We've been able to maintain our routine of getting bed between 9-10 and falling asleep around 11.  Last night Lily was a little fussy (since her 2 month vacinations, she been a bit fussier :( She feel asleep around 12 and slept until 5am.  Yay for mommy!!!
Lily continues to be a very active sleeper, grunting, moaning, sometimes a yelp!  We watch her as she sleeps and her eyes flutter and roll, she's a dreamer for sure!!!

Exploring...
...Lily is becoming very aware of her surroundings!  She noticed Sabrina (our cat) for the first time last week!  She smiled and stared for bit before the cat became impatient waiting for me to pet her!!!  Lily loves the toys hanging from her carseat, she stares at them and sometime reaches out and hits them!  Still loves the Mamaroo and looking at the balls, again sometimes reaching out to hit them.
Lily has started making lots of noises the past few weeks.  She 'talks' to the bird on the curtain, the balls on the Mamaroo and us quite often.  She loves hearing us imitate her noises!

Family Traditions

Growing up there were few 'traditions' in my family.  My parents, sister and I moved to Honolulu when I was 7 years old, and while I'm sure there were family traditions we participated in prior to the move, sadly I do not remember them.  When we moved to Hawaii, we tried to start a few traditions in our new home, such as spending Christmas day at the beach (because, why not ;-).  Now that I have my own family and by my own sentimental nature, I think it is important to establish our own family traditions.
One of my family traditions is visiting the Pumpkin Patch around Halloween.  This year we were thrilled to take Lily along, even if she did sleep the entire time!

last year, 2011

Another family tradition I am looking forward to sharing with our Lily is Thanksgiving.  We hold Thanksgiving dinner at our house.  This year the entire family is joining us... 

Lily at 4 weeks

I cannot believe how fast these last 4 weeks have gone by!  This past month has been wonderful, overwhelming, frustrating and amazing!

Stats...
...weight 9 lbs 9.7oz at 3 weeks and 3 days.  Lily had lost a little over 10% of her body weight by 1 week, down to 8 lbs.  By her 2 week appt she was up to 8 lbs 15 oz.
...height 21 inches at her 2 week appt.  Lily was 19.5 inches at birth.
...LIly has outgrown most of her newborn clothes and is now wearing 0-3 months.
...next appt on Nov 9th, her 2 month checkup!

Eating...
...Lily is nursing like a champ these days!  We had some difficulty out of the gate because mommy has flat nips.   Our Doula suggested nipple shields, which we used for 3 weeks to help with feeding.  It only took Lily about 3 days to transition off the shield to bare nip.  Now that she is off the shield she is feeding and sleeping more frequently.

Sleeping...
...Lily is now sleeping 2-3 hours at a time, with some 4 hour stints at night.  She is usually up for an hour to 3 hours at a time.
We've been able to get into a good night time routine this past week.  Lily comes to bed with mommy and daddy between 9-10pm.  We watch t.v. and Lily gets a good feeding in and usually falls asleep sometime around 11pm.  She stirs a little during the night, and I get up to change her sometime around 2-3am and again between 5-6am.  She barely wakes fully during these times, and I nurse her a little after her changing just to get her fully back to sleep.
Lily is a very active sleeper, she grunts and sometimes laughs in her sleep... we think she is quite the dreamer!!!
We're co-sleeping right now, which works for us.  With Z being back to work, Lily can stir a little during the night which wakes me without a full blown cry fit.  We hope to transition her to the bassinet/ crib within the next few months, but for now we're just rolling with it!

Exploring...
...this past week & half Lily has become much more alert to her surroundings.  She enjoys looking at the curtains beside her changing table (black/ white print of trees and birds).  She also enjoys looking at the balls above her Mamaroo, also black/ white prints.  Lily is starting to smile more frequently now.  She is a very happy girl!  Lily loves bath time and I often get a couple of good smiles out of her.  Lily grunts and coos a little now.

Birth Story

My amazing hubby SoggyStargazer wrote up our Birth Story from his perspective a few weeks back, which was amazing to read!  I started feeling that I needed to put in all into my own words as well.  I have so much I want to express and share about our experience that it seems almost impossible to convey how utterly perfect it all was!

My hubby and I spent a lot of time over the 9 months reading, asking questions, and deciding that we wanted to try for a natural childbirth (no epidural, no narcotics, no interventions).  We hired a Doula, and attended classes to help us with coping through the labor pains. We created a birth plan and shared it with our OB. But we were very realistic in knowing that rarely do things go according to plan, so we prepared ourselves for alternatives and knew that however our birth played out we would not be surprised by any necessary interventions/ procedures.

A moment of honesty, clarity or just plain insanity!

I wrote this post a month before our daughter, Lily was born. I never felt it was complete, but after reading it again I felt it was worth posting.


I have to admit, I have really enjoyed being pregnant!  Now that this pregnancy is nearing the end, I am a little saddened by the fact that I won't be pregnant any longer.  Even though the past few weeks have left me feeling 'I'm so over being pregnant', the uncomfortableness, the lack of more than 4 hours of sleep at a time - I have cherished every moment during this pregnancy!
I really started thinking in the past few days what not being pregnant means... Baby time!  That I am going to be a mama, that there will be this new being in the world - one which will be my responsibility (along with Z's) to raise and mold and shape into an amazing person!  THAT freaks me out a little!!!  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't one of these women who just wants to be pregnant and doesn't think about what happens next - I do want to be a mother and raise a family and all that it entails!  I think you just get caught up in the moment of being pregnant, of working full time, of planning for when baby arrives, that you forget about the actual presence of a baby!
For a while now, it has just been Z and I!  And I love our moments together, just us two.  In a few short weeks, it'll be 'just us two' plus one!  I'm both thrilled and nervous about how this addition will affect our relationship!  I am excited to see Z as a daddy, I know he will be wonderful and the thought makes my heart swell!  But there is also this small part of me that doesn't want to share him!  I think about how raising a child will change both of us, and am excited to embark on this journey together and apprehensive at the same time!

Our Birth Story...

I have tried to make time in the past two weeks to put together our birth story... between feedings, diaper changes, and just trying to get some sleep!  My amazing husband posted our birth story over on his blog, SoggyStargazer.  I think you'll find that his memory of the event is much clearer than mine would be ;-)

40 weeks + 6 days!!!

It's a.........

.. GIRL!!!

40 weeks

How far along: 40 Weeks

Baby's size: About 19 to 22 inches, 7 lbs! The size of a watermelon! I think baby is around 8+ lbs now!

Sleep: no changes from last week, up every hour

Maternity Clothes: no changes

Food cravings: watermelon! Fitting! ;-)

Food aversions: no changes

Symptoms I have: bruised feeling pelvis, sore back, just uncomfortable all over...but I know baby is worth the aches!

Doctor’s Appointment: every Friday! This weeks appt showed that I was a loose 1 cm, 0 effacement. Ultrasound showed that bany has plenty of amniotic fluid!   

Movement: Baby is still so very active!  Keeping me up nights ;-) movements are very strong!

Belly Button: no change, so close to popping out all the way, but not quite!

Gender: the great mystery!!!

What I’m looking forward to:  Meeting baby!!!!

Total weight gained as of 40 weeks: 33 lbs

39 weeks

How far along: 39 Weeks

Baby's size: About 19 to 22 inches, 7 lbs! The size of a watermelon!   Based on our last ultrasound, and the OB's predictions.... I think baby is close to 8lbs now!

Sleep: Baby has dropped lower... I've been up every hour the past two nights :(

Maternity Clothes: no changes

Food cravings: no changes, still craving chocolate and fruit!  Mostly watermelon!!! Ha!

Food aversions: no changes

Symptoms I have: Pelvis still feels bruised, uncomfortable to get up and move around because baby is settled low in my pelvis!

Doctor’s Appointment: another appt tomorrow... hoping for some progress (dilation, effacement - please :-)   

Movement: Baby is still so very active!  Keeping me up nights ;-)

Belly Button: no change, so close to popping out all the way, but not quite!

Gender: the great mystery!!!

What I’m looking forward to:  Meeting baby, finding out if we'll have a baby boy or girl!  Can't wait!!!!

Total weight gained as of 39 weeks: I'll update after my appt tomorrow!!!

38 weeks

How far along: 38 Weeks

Baby's size: About 19 to 22 inches, 7 lbs! The size of a watermelon! 

Sleep: No changes

Maternity Clothes: no changes

Food cravings: no changes, still craving chocolate

Food aversions: no changes

Symptoms I have: I have been having a lot of pelvic discomfort, kind of like a bruised feeling.  Reading up, it appears to be common since my pelvis is caring a 7+ lbs load these days!!!  

Doctor’s Appointment: I go every Friday now, had a appt today.  Everything is on schedule, no exam today.  Measuring right on track 38-39 weeks!

Movement: No changes, baby is still very active.  Movements are very noticeable and jolt my body!

Belly Button: no change

Gender: the great mystery!!!

What I’m looking forward to:  Getting labor started!  Crazy, I know!  But the more I read up on it the more I am embracing the process!

Total weight gained as of 38 weeks:  32 lbs! (gained 3 lbs this past week... I think its mostly water weight from my swollen feet!)

37 weeks, full term!

How far along: 37 Weeks

Baby's size: About 19 to 22 inches, 6.5 lbs! The size of a watermelon! 

Sleep:No real changes, still up 2-3 times a night.

Maternity Clothes: no changes, still able to wear maxi empire waist dresses and skirts

Food cravings: been craving chocolate A LOT lately!!!

Food aversions: no changes

Symptoms I have: Back has been killing me the last two days.  And I've been having more frequent braxton hicks... not too painful just annoying and uncomfortable!

Doctor’s Appointment: tomorrow Friday, 8/17!  

Movement: Baby is still super active!  I thought it would slow down at this point given baby's size, but I guess there's still room in there to move around!!!  Although I will say that the movements are much more prominent now!

Belly Button: no change, I don't think my timer will pop!

Gender: the great mystery!!!

What I’m looking forward to:  As much as I have really enjoyed being pregnant, I am looking forward to getting back to my normal size and not carrying this watermelon around inside me ;-)

Total weight gained as of 37 weeks:  29 lbs!

36 weeks

How far along: 36 Weeks

Baby's size: About 19 to 22 inches, 6.5 lbs! The size of a watermelon! 

Sleep:No real changes, still up 2-3 times a night.

Maternity Clothes: maternity shirts, 1 pair of pants, but mostly empire dresses and maxi skirts!

Food cravings:fruit and chocolate! still on a fruit kick

Food aversions: no changes

Symptoms I have: Feeling pretty good, hips still ache at night from sleeping on my sides.  It's a little more difficult to get up from laying position!

Doctor’s Appointment: OB appt next Friday, 8/17!  And then we are on to once a week phase!

Movement: Lots of twisting around and kicks!  It's fun to see how much my belly moves and other people can see it now!

Belly Button: is so close to popping out!!! Mostly flush, don't think it'll pop!

Gender: the great mystery!!!

What I’m looking forward to: A celebratory milkshake once baby arrives!!! Ha!

 

First load of baby clothes washed and hung!