A moment of honesty, clarity or just plain insanity!

I wrote this post a month before our daughter, Lily was born. I never felt it was complete, but after reading it again I felt it was worth posting.


I have to admit, I have really enjoyed being pregnant!  Now that this pregnancy is nearing the end, I am a little saddened by the fact that I won't be pregnant any longer.  Even though the past few weeks have left me feeling 'I'm so over being pregnant', the uncomfortableness, the lack of more than 4 hours of sleep at a time - I have cherished every moment during this pregnancy!
I really started thinking in the past few days what not being pregnant means... Baby time!  That I am going to be a mama, that there will be this new being in the world - one which will be my responsibility (along with Z's) to raise and mold and shape into an amazing person!  THAT freaks me out a little!!!  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't one of these women who just wants to be pregnant and doesn't think about what happens next - I do want to be a mother and raise a family and all that it entails!  I think you just get caught up in the moment of being pregnant, of working full time, of planning for when baby arrives, that you forget about the actual presence of a baby!
For a while now, it has just been Z and I!  And I love our moments together, just us two.  In a few short weeks, it'll be 'just us two' plus one!  I'm both thrilled and nervous about how this addition will affect our relationship!  I am excited to see Z as a daddy, I know he will be wonderful and the thought makes my heart swell!  But there is also this small part of me that doesn't want to share him!  I think about how raising a child will change both of us, and am excited to embark on this journey together and apprehensive at the same time!